My grandmother passed away yesterday.
She’d been on hospice care for the last month, losing a battle with cancer before it even really begun. I was able to Skype with her the day we landed in Guatemala and she joked that somehow the signal had gotten crossed and she wasn’t actually the sick woman that appeared on my screen, but someone far more vivacious. We sadly returned home to find that her condition had significantly worsened and then yesterday, just minutes after I told her I loved her and that she was free to just rest, she left this side of heaven.
If you have read our first book, you may remember her. She’s the one who at 4’11” kept her spices in the dishwasher. She’s also the one who instilled in me a love of words, gave me a Thesaurus as my favorite Christmas present ever, and just last week was texting me crossword puzzle clues to try and stump me. She totally did. She was wickedly smart, stubborn, quirky and wise. I already miss her.
I have a not-so-coincidental trend with losing grandparents. I lost my grandfather just before Lulu was born. I lost my other grandmother just before Gigi was born. Death, in my life, has always sprung new life. It has been so very bittersweet. And so it is too with this goodbye.
We’re starting a new chapter in our life which, as you may have guessed, includes more children, but also more immediately, includes additional responsibilities in educating and discipling our girls. It’s time for letting go of some things in order to prepare for what’s ahead.
And, if I’m being honest, I want to free myself. I don’t want to seek the masses’ praises or protests in response to the choices I make in my life—no one’s approval or disapproval should weigh on my heart or mind as much as that of God, my husband and my children. They alone are who I serve, and I need to tune my ears and my heart a little finer.
For all of you who have shared in our life via this site the last few years, thank you for a being a part of our story. I don’t know that it would have had this ending without you, and I am so grateful the road has led here.
A blessing for all of you, and for my grandmother, as I say goodbye:
The Lord bless you
and keep you;
the Lord make his face shine on you
and be gracious to you;
the Lord turn his face toward you
and give you peace.
Numbers 6:24-26
Amen.
